Work–

It’d probably come to an end over this weekend while I struggle to find something entertaining to occupy time over the remaining 5/6 weeks before confinement. Volunteering application so complicated >< Anything application related is taking a toll on me now. Can’t believe the sheer number of wasted hours staring mindless into space – while, probably explains why my EE files had a total editing time of more than 102 hours.

Dateline for UBC application: 31 dec. Few more days… gahhh I will submit the final application by today. Its’ just editing the essays now. And next: Apply for NUS. And wait patiently… till may? And take SATs as a backup.

Work has been an eyeopener. Interacting with people over a variety of backgrounds. But then again, its’ probably the long-term “group” interaction that I have had since my solo trip.. So its’ probably where I’ve talked a lot more to strangers than I would normally do in the past. It was fun. Mandarin is a growing dilemma. Trying to speak more competent and comprehensible teochew. Ongoing process. An intent to learn Cantonese.

The pains of waiting is unjustifiable yet excruciatingly appealing. There isn’t a point, there isn’t a point, there isn’t a point. It’ll probably take much more rational justification to convince the feeble minded emotions that plague day-to-day life. Where indulging in unnecessary nostalgia over the most mundane and banal of surroundings isn’t going to satisfy anything but prolong the process.

Anyway, all the best to the people entering army over the next week.

Scares me.

 

Fleeting thoughts of negativity that inadvertently reveals itself through minute but visible facial expression. Tend to show them before rejecting them. Oh well, humans. Improvement.

Playing “No light, no light” on replay for the past hour or so. Regardless of the evidently racist (difficult to deny with the clear imagery contrast between two opposing figures) music video, I still love the song. Just, stop, watching the video.

Uni app. So little days left.

Nothing useful coming out. Well, have faith.

A slow, sometimes agonizing, but paramount part of growing up. Reading an interesting article posted by a friend on facebook. So true.

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It’s easy to get encapsulated in fear; just let the thoughts wander and whirl around, slowly descending into the depths of uncertainty. Panic. And its’ 7 weeks away, yet I can’t seem to pass a day without letting it creep in to my consciousness. Endless justifications of pacifism or breaking down the fundamentals of ‘fighting for peace’ would not change anything. I will find my way in. Coerced by what society has deemed palatable, like studying, having children or whatever other conservative value deemed righteous in the society of today.

I will fight. Fight to survive, let alone thrive, in those two patch of gray in my life. Optimism shall guide. Faith shall guide. And a firm yet nevertheless eroding belief that my body will handle the two years well.

It will be what it will be.

It will be fine. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

 

this funny feeling of nostalgia. This funny feeling of how someone reminds me of how someone used to be. And this funny feeling as to whether that makes any sense.

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Not working this week. Chinese New Year priorities. And getting my university application done. Application.. not even applications yet.

Still questioning the fundamentals behind my rational of going overseas. I don’t think I’ll ever feel strongly attached to any political boundary. Nature yes.

Work was a good experience. New people. Nice people. Interesting thoughts. Increased ability and efficiency in communication since solo trip.

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where are you… :/

 

 

Thrills, like that for a song, rarely last long. Yet old songs bring back warm, fuzzy memories of a yesteryear seemingly gone too soon. You gloomily hope they somehow last, though dragging things way beyond expiration date isn’t ideal either. It comes out coerced or rather like some sort of a phantasm where everything goes according to plan. You tell yourself that’s perfect. Yet after awhile, desperate attempts at justification of the crumbling walls wails out boredom.

And for the umpteenth time you realize that the only thing you can do is be an uneasy bystander, moving where ever the crowd tediously treads towards.

You tell yourself its’ time to grow up. It’s time to accept facts as they are. Inertia is still a stumbling block after so long.

And its’ probably true that the only steps that matter are the ones you take by yourself.

its’ time to grow up.

 

It’s starting to become the norm for me to get periodically overwhelmed by the sheer uncertainty of tomorrow – cliche, i know.

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I have to end my constant preoccupation with the floundering, which is probably more than just a penchant for melancholy but in fact an indication of fear. And it goes away whenever I stumble across a certain song, message or conversation only to creep back where it once was unannounced and unwanted.

Yet the only thing I can hope for is for time to let it all sink in. Accept it.

 

Should I go for the NEA volunteer programmeeeee? I’d love to. But work. Sigh. Should I skip a day of work to go for the orientation? I want to do something useful. And the other organisation didn’t call back…

aND SIGH. procrastination isn’t going to get me anywhere. Time to start writing essays for university applications and to brainstorm. And to clear my table, find my CCA records, finish several birthday presents that are WAY overdue. OKAY START NOW.

bye.

 

Finally reached season 3 of bbt. Why hasn’t season 5 woken up from its’ mid-season break

Work. Finally got work back and yet I want today to be is the final day because I’m exhausted. I want an admin job. A typing job. Or one that involves sitting constantly, if not, moving about and not standing still for hours on end. Still, there’s the thrill of stalking and observing random strangers in a public setting that wouldn’t actually be labelled as creepy. And there’s the added bonus of distracting myself from any potential anxiety-related symptom which then again I should clarify with a doctor to rule out the sinister. But honestly, I don’t want a official anxiety-related-problem.

Got my results back last friday. Amazed by the i-don’t-think-i-deserve-it results. Really Thank God for the results. And thank so many others who have helped me along the way with my constant questions. Prolly heading off to Canada as of now, if I do get accepted that is, and if I do manage to finish the application by the deadline. Have to spend a solid few days brainstorming ways to answer the mini-essay questions.

Feelin’ so lazy right now. And tired. Work. 1 more hour till I have to leave the house.

lalala~ BBT is such an uplifting sitcom. HIMYM is boring me >< Nora is gone. That’s sad.

I always find it weird why I’m constantly fixated on the erosion instead of deposition regardless of the relative rates of either. Isn’t healthy. Yet, cliffs are beautiful.

Its’ the thrill. The thrill that sends the mind to forget past events. The thrill that makes a moment last forever though only in that moment.

Off to watch BBT before heading off to work.

 

Giving out flyers in a busy intersection is daunting. Yet it comes with its’ perks, notwithstanding the decent pay that would hopefully be present at the end of it all. People observations, where all my time spent training in the art of stalkiiii—i mean observing is finally useful, is fun. From the you-small-little-people-don’t-talk-to-me to the if-I-don’t-see-you-you-won’t-see-me, they are entertaining. Slightly concerned that a short clip of a crazy guy chuckling at (the actions of ) people on the street would end up on STOMP soon … though.. it makes the job fun.

A guy seeing me imitating his artful fling of the wrist and roll of the eyes was even funnier (though if unaware of his own idiosyncrasies, he would just think I’m a little bit insane) .Or a guy who thought he had escape the flyers-intensity section only to fail to see me approaching him and subsequently scooting off without a word anxious and furious at the constant disturbance.

I do that to these people all the time, standing on the other end. I like skillfully avoiding people, well, assuming that they are able to discern that I want to be left alone (dang. do I look that unfriendly)

And I’ve realized that the tone of my voice goes funny every now and then after talking mindlessly to customers… which results in me laughing at myself. Yes, the more I talk to random strangers, the higher I get. They’re like my sugar. Sugar-rush madness!!! Heh and I start getting jumpy.

———————

People can get interesting. Very, very interesting.

Why do I find myself wanting to know more.

——————–

The world better stay on the left. Political, environmental, cultural or social. Stay on the left. Woooo~ Environmental science

The right scares me.

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Had a FB chat with a friend who told me that most indie songs are depressing. And well, honestly that is what drew me into indie music in the first place; especially folk. The more depressing (yet soft and subtle), the more I’m drawn towards the song. So if you have a soft, subtle depressing piece of music, do introduce it to me!

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HEARTBURNNNNN. ACIDDDDD STOP PRODUCING SO MUCH GAHZ TIME TO GO TO THE DOCTOR TOMORROW FOR SOME STRONG PPI. it might be a PPI withdrawal symptom though… excabated by the alcohol i brilliantly decided to try a couple of days ago.

Time to finish editing my photos and finally blog on my 2weeks solo trip. weeeee~

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I LOVE THE MUPPETS. okay. Watched it many days ago but I love it so much. Just saw on youtube that the infamous foxnews suggest that it promoted communism…and that “green ideology” should not be taught to kids. YEAH TEACH THEM TO DESTROY THE EARTH AND GO… it’s because it’s all ideology. It isn’t real. Like Global Warming. All make-belief to take more money out of people for the government. >< I still can’t believe my mom got me watching that ‘news channel’ for a couple of months in secondary 3.

Woooo~ possibly heading to phuket. No alcohol. no no no no no. spoils my stomach. Alongside milk, coffee, tomato, dairy, onions, brocolli, garlic.. oh dang. I get fainty. NS here i go fainty.

Annoying acid production. SLOW DOWN MAN. okay it’s hurting my throat now. lalala~ Watch my diet.

Oh probably should blog about something on FOXNEWS that I saw in America that completely astounded me. *if i blog about this before..opppsss*

They claim that “free speech” should be defended at all cost. And that anti-bullying laws are oppressive and are infringing the free speech americans have enjoyed. They want these laws abolished and aid people who are seemingly put down by these laws. They say that there is nothing wrong with hate speech because it allows others to know who hates them. And based on these free speech, the “hated” would be able to say whatever mean things he wants back to the instigator. The ideal civilized society. Really… NOT.

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