3/4 way through to total freedom (of at least 2 months)

4 subjects completed. 3 halfs of a subject to go plus chinese (ok, i am so happy that they could take my C6 if i was to fail miserably this time round). I am slacking today. I told myself that I would. haha. I would have 4 more days to go before human geog, I’ll take my time to study. I wonder if they would make the human geog paper easy, considering the fact that today’s paper was so HARD. It was terribly hard, fine maybe not exactly, but it was very different and unique. I’m still hoping for that A1. I have always wanted an A1 in geog and I still want it. ARRRR must do well in my human geog… (dun like human geog =( ) I still find it to be a terrible waste that I did the two hardest question for geog. The other two questions that i didn’t do were easier. I would have done 3 and 4 after much consideration, but well, its’ over and i can’t change it. So I just have to live with it, or at least till i receive my results on january. That’ll be two fun, lazy and excruciating months.

I can’t wait for O levels to end. It would end so soon. Just 3 halfs of a paper, so i feel as though the weight on my shoulders have already left.. hhmmm, maybe not. I still need to do really well in my MCQ to even get an A2. I didn’t believe that i would score really high in my science paper twos. I can taste the freedom now, feeling it all inside me. I can’t wait!!! What’s left is what exactly i want to accomplish. I know i want to do volunteer work, and for another thing for sure is to complete a story book. HHmmm… wouldn’t let those two months fade by without doing something meaningful

And oh… Ms Chan asked me to calm down today as I appeared stress when i asked her a question this afternoon. Did i really appear so stress? Cos I wasn’t really feeling incredibly stress as I did on the first day (english) or felt that I was going to faint (First ever SPA exam last yr). Don’t understand why someone said that I was always like that (overly stressed out).. hhmmm, interesting.

stress — panic attack?

I got overly stress an hour ago. Like too stress cos i was doing a paper and didn’t get a high mark on it. Okay it sounds stupid and it is stupid. Why am I getting stress over it? I must keep myself calm. It really makes no sense at all as to why am I getting stress over something so mundane. I just felt overly anxious after doing the paper, and after eating the last piece of salmon on my plate. I just got very scared. I don’t know why. I went around my house, just walking and taking deep breaths. I never felt so stress in a long time, or at least it has never been due to a poor practice paper result.

O levels are coming, stop feeling stress. If i don’t do well than so be it.

*breath in * breath out *

I will not get a panic attack again. or at least a “almost panic” panic attack. haha. I was really freaking out. OMG. much more calm now, like finally, but still feeling a little tense and uptight.

graduation day

okay. shouldn’t be online but jus slacking a little now. haha. I have been on this verge of falling sick this past two weeks. I just can’t seem to fall sick nor get totally well. Being on that edge is slightly irritating. O level’s terribly soon. So its’ either geting well now or just falling sick and then getting well before O level( and not falling sick only once O level is right around the corner). lol. My throat hurts like for an hour or so for almost every day the past week. Maybe I’m not drinking enough water? or talking too much? haha

Graduation day was really cool today. Mr Wong was AMAZING. As much as i find him irritating (poking me and suan-ing me), he was amazing. It was jaw-dropping. Totally amazing. As much as it’s known as graduation day, we’re going back to school on monday. So its’ a little weird. haha. I guess I’d really miss my 4 years in this school. So many memories, so many life lessons, so many great friends and interesting acquaintances as well as so many amazing teachers. I’ll miss this school. I’ll do a reflection after my Os. Can’t spend so long slacking. I feel slightly too slackish for comfort recently.

I’ve realized that I cannot remember every content that I’ve memorized for PRELIM. SCARY. I must re-memorize like really really soon. 

I’d also like to thank everyone who wished me a happy b’day today. I am really, really grateful to everyone. THX SO MUCH!

And i’m wondering why i’m saying this, but the song below this post is about death. haha. not trying to spoil the mood here but i just feeling like saying it. lol. random. Its’ not exactly very sad. Its’ more calming? lol

everything would be fine

When its’ time to say goodbye
I’ll take it along with me
All the memories in my mind
It’s my time to move ahead
Where everything would be fine

Whatever lies beyond the horizon
Where darkness replaces eternity
I can’t be sure so I’ll hold on to now
The smiles I see will last forever here

Could be peace or a disastrous doom
I know I can’t expect too much from you
Its’ just a fear paranoia sets in
But the storm would end I’d open my eyes

When its’ time to say goodbye
I’ll take it along with me
All the memories in my mind
It’s my time to move ahead
Where everything would be fine

Its’ was great to have a conversation
We pondered about this situation
Clowns and tears with a butterfly
Where time would just silently pass by

friday ~ bye prelims hi O levels

its’ the final stretch before O levels. As much as it is important for me to add stress to keep me going, I really need to de-stress. Too much stress is really making my body going all hay-wired. Prelims over, but I guess it really doesn’t matter one bit. Rather satisfied with my prelims score, as the subjects that I worked hard for acheived a good score while the one i didn’t really bother about (geog =p) wasn’t ideal. If I could acheive the exact same prelim l1r5 for my O levels, I’d be totally estatic. 10 =) I heard that there would be moderation, but the real result for me would be this 10, which is rather ok.  The real test is four weeks away. I really need to calm my nerves. They are just O levels. *breath in breath out*

I’m listening to some new music now. I can’t wait for the Os to finally end. It would be like freedom, well it ain’t much, but its’ the thought that counts. haha. I will take some time off to clear my mind, to just start feeling relax for at least a day in the following four weeks. I do not want to become a high-strung maniac (scary!!!).

I feel like writing a song or story right now. random.

 And thinking about it, I guess I’d really miss my time in fuhua and even honestly saying the classes that I’ve been in (never ever realized that). I really cannot understand how can people say that they think that the school sux. It could be the “grass is always greener” view that we all carry? I’m not sure. But I know that if i never stop to enjoy what’s there around me, i’ll never be happy with anything.   

———————————

Well it’s alright to be myself,
Now I’ve Learned To Stand
Well its OK to be just who I am
I’ve spent years really hating me

This Is Who I Am

-Vanessa Amorosi

I’ll won’t compromise myself, and as much as it sounds selfish, I see no need to please others or try to fit into anything by changing myself. Its’ crappish to do so. I am who i am.  I’m addicted to this song below now. haha  

exams

haha. slacking a little now. 2 papers still remain -  geog (physical) and A math 2. I feel as though I didn’t do very well for physics today (didn’t really put in a lot of effort).. haha. I spent my entire afternoon at Thompson yesterday.

This was cos I went to a gastrologist as my stomach has been feeling and behaving very weird recently. It is the same one i went too when i was just 7 (like 8 years ago). She said that I’m having Gastroesophageal reflux disease. I have no clue as to what it is, and neither do I really understand why I have it. O.o. lol. But as long as the medicines stops the trouble of burpings and stomach upsets, I’m really glad. The doctor also said that I should try to avoid consuming chocolate (I already knew), onions, garlic, cabbage (there goes subway =( ) brocolli (MY FAVV), apples, kiwi, pineapples, oranges, coffee, oily and fried food, tomato-based stuff (My other favourite!). But I guess it did help. I am no longer burping as frantically as before. But there is really a lot of food that I must avoid now. I must have control *just think of the pain* .lol. Odd; but this should naturally go away after some time, since when i was 7 i had the same problem (doc said) and it sort of faded away for the  next 8 years of my life. Oh, and the doctor said that it is highly vital that I do not overeat. overeat would worsen the problem (Oh why did i overeat a month plus ago =.=)… maybe I’m not allergic to milk afterall? Wait.. i rather not try to do anything funny with my intestinal system… She also said that my stomach was moving too slowly while my intestines were moving too quickly. More or less, they weren’t moving together at a constant speed.  

I really want to know my PRELIM results 0.0.

thursday

my headache is back. Back for the past 2 days for some reason. Either I can’t remember how it felt before, or the headache came back with a vengence. It really hurts, like to the point of wanting to vomit. sian. lol.

I’ll study for history once this headache dissappears.. how long more.. zzz. sian. lol.

Do I actually care about what others thinks of me? Sincerely, NO. So I can’t understand why should anyone change themselves to make others happy. It’s an appalling thought. We all think differently; individuals. So I really don’t give a shit on other people’s opinion. I am a nonconformist. I dislike the norm, so if anyone wants me to “make the plastic world” happy, then DREAM ON. This has been floating around in my head for the past couple of days (after what you said)… that why would and should anyone care about other people’s opinion. I don’t care whatsoever. SERIOUS. Let that little wold dislike me for all i care, as long as I know what’s really important in my life, nothing else actually matters. word.

COLD

Has it been weirdly cold lately? I have been finding it to be freezing for some reason, where I could actually shiver out in the open in Singapore. I actually thought that it could be that fact that I’m falling slightly ill (sneezing, burping, coughing). But after checking my thermometer, I realized that it was actually cold (26 degrees). COLD!

I’ll go back to study now, okay, maybe a little TV first. haha. Hopefully it would get warmer tomorrow, so that I wouldn’t have to wear a sweater or suffer from hyperthermia. . I don’t think I would come back here till prelim ends..

the past week….

Got a C6 for O level chinese =.= . Okay, never mind. didn’t really had much hope on this anyway.

I only had 5 minutes to prepare for my oral together. All thanks to the WONDERFUL timer, where everyone else, except one person from e1, received their rightful 10 mins =.= okay nvm, because I believe I’ve done okay. yay. =)

haha.

I’ve finished studying chemistry, so I’m slightly relieved. I’m planning to finish half of physics by sunday night. If I don’t start now, I wonder when I’d ever start. lol. Geog? HHmmm, soon i hope. haha.

I guess, its’ really important to be accepting. Being bitter over things solves nothing.Seriously.

Since I don’t want to waste hours writing songs, I’ll just write several lines.lol.

Songs really do make me feel unnaturally placid. =)

Saturday

I’m suddenly feeling oddly inspired and happy after listening to some songs on youtube… haha. one of them is this song below. Its’ really poignant and brings about really nice emotions. WEEEEe…crazy. lol.

I have my english “Os” oral next week, which is really nerve-wrecking. I have been anticipating this exam for quite a while now, but at the same time, I am really terrified by it. For the past few days, I tried recalling as many memories as I can to suit conversational topics before having a little discussion in my little mind. I think of random pictures about Singapore and start describing them constantly. Lol. I am the first person on that day. FIRST. ARRRR….

*excited*terrified*OMG*

Many things seem really perculiar now. Almost like this inexorable cycle, where everything ends up different in the end. Its’ funny at times, but more or less it is really odd. I guess its’ perception; mere perception.