school once again

I’m feeling terribly tired now with a slight headache. I need to bare with lessons til 430 for pratically every other day till O level ends. The only respite being odd weeks friday thanks to bio =) I know I need to complete my maths homework now, but i really need some time to slack…

Scary thing is that O level mother oral is this thursday. I was mentally prepared but I’m not exactly prepared for it. I somehow do not have much hope for chinese at all since its’ my weakess subj and have very little hope (if at all) of using it for my L1R5 to AJC(hopefully). I love the weather forecast for O level MT oral too, 32° C | 23° C ! nice. with a 70% chance of precipitation.

I had to squeeze up the bus this morning. It was seriously packed. It made me realize of how H1N1 could spread so easily on the bus when everyone were so close to one another. but luckily the virus is not deadly.

ending of holidays

Holiday is going to end really, really soon, with only 4 days left. I have finished 1/2 of my homework, which isn’t exactly very comforting. lol. I’m planning to finish my chemistry, english and maths by today. Hopefully it comes true =x.

I feel slightly addicted to FLICKR once again 0.0, which isn’t very good. haha. I realize that now till the end of O levels has only 120 odd days. I’d be looking foreward all the way till that day. SCARY. haha. I need to stress myself out so that I’d study, if not i’d continue slacking. lol.

 I was looking thru other people’s photo on flickr and found this amazing quote my a rather old poet(alive?) as the title of the picture. [May Sarton...below...] Do check out my FLICKR too =) http://www.flickr.com/photos/kevingan/

Life can sometimes be totally inconprehensible, thus i need my solitude =). haha. I need it everyone in a while; just a little walk around chinese garden or anywhere else without much slightings of much human establishement would do fine. haha.  

Loneliness is the poverty of self; solitude is the richness of self.
May Sarton

 

 

125

125 days till the first day of O level — english. It is really scary that the days are limited. I’ve still got to climb Amaths from a C to an A. scary. The days are numbered… I’ll be counting down…I also don’t know why but i can’t seem to settle a picture for my blog. lol. I have changed at least 10 times. Finally settled down on the one above. haha.(most pictures are also on my flickr though)

Its’ a really scary thought to think that H1N1 would spread. It brings back memories of SARS. I can’t imagine preparing for O levels without going to school O.O. really hoping the situation gets better.

and oh, i really like this song too.. haha. started to listen to them back in ‘06 after hearing Light Surrounding You in Australia…this is from their newest album…I want it but sadly it isn’t for sale here in Singapore. EVERMORE =)

~song again~

wrote this just a while back… kinda random i guess. Haha. it started out with an emotion and i started to base a story on it …

Its’ called …

Drifting(turn things around)

Oh I will run if that’s what it takes
To find the key in this big world
Every treasure I’d just forsake
To finally have the answer

Cos I can’t help but to trust most words
Stop staring at the big blue sky
Going to let me down anyway
cos Its’ just not from the right place

Oh let the wind turn things around
It’d be fun finding my feet on the ground
Cos everything remains the way it is
And everything is just inside my head
So what made me believe it would turn out fine?

Its’ drifting
There’s no way
Can’t stop it
I just watch
And see
Where i’ll be
In a while
In silence
Da da da da

The land falls apart
Its’ now a one man’s land

Scar

This has to be my favourite song of all time. I really love this meaning of the song.*(staying true to who you are and not fearing what others think of you and to be urself)*She’s my favourite singer too (=. really like her..lol.  HAHA. and also, my brother has scartched me to the point that i look like i’ve scaled the amazon… crap. poor hands.lol. hope no scars =x I bolded the parts i like most =)

He left a card, a bar of soap
And a scrubbing brush next to a note that said
“Use this, down to your bone”
And before I knew, I had shiny skin
And it felt easy being clean like him, I thought
This one knows better than I do

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
He tried to cut me so I’d fit

And doesn’t that sound familiar
Doesn’t that hit too close to home
Doesn’t that make you shiver, the way things could have gone
And doesn’t it feel peculiar
When everyone wants a little more
So that I do remember to never go that far
Could you leave me with a scar

So the next one came with a bag of treats
She smelled like sugar and spoke like the sea,and she
Told me don’t trust them, trust me
And she pulled at my stitches one by one
Looked at my insides clicking her tongue and said
“This will all have to come undone”

A triangle trying to squeeze through a circle
She tried to blunt me so I’d fit

I think I realized just in time
Although my old self was hard to find
You can bathe me in your finest wine
But I’ll never give you mine
‘Cause I’m a little bit tired of fearing that I’ll be
The bad fruit nobody buys
Tell me, did you think we’d all dream the same

My favourite lyrics from any song.. haha. reall awesome song.

~CO~(really, really, very long)

haha. singyi asked me to do a full reflection on CO so yeah.. like her’s on her blog 2 years back.lol.

sec1

I remember that my choice for joining CO was totally random. I didn’t go for uniforms due to all the stories my cousin told me and not clubs due to the lack of points. I wanted photography but couldn’t find the booth. So after walking round and round, someone came to me (at last other than red cross 0.0) thus i jus agreed to join.  The first few CCA practices were really fun. Remember the time singyi ask me “do you want the secret on how to play a song well?” and then at the end of the day she said “PRACTICE MORE!” lol. Remember constantly stepping on each other. I also first met Sebastian too. I remember that he first came up to me and asked “You in Sheng too right?” I can still remember the times our sectionals were so random that we could have them along the corridor that was the windiest.

It was really fun having a GAO YIN SHENG senior till she left for N level.(back the next) Then there was Huiyan. haha. She made me go to combine after 6 CO sectionals (saying it was a MUST). I could not play the SYF song and the teacher scold me, saying i was lazy and did not practice. It was SOLO all the way for me till next year. The conductor thought that I was sec2 for some reason and couldn’t stop scolding me. It wasn’t fun. It really wasn’t and I was that close to quitting due to constant yells at every combine.

sec2

 It was SYF time and I really can’t remember SY though. It was several months before SYF and I couldn’t do most of my SOLOs perfect due to the tormenting fear. There was once when we were in the hall and for each of my SOLOs (around 5?) I was scolded several times. The conductor came up to me and said that the COs downfall would be due to me (shengs). I was horrified and my heart raced as if I was in a haunted house. He shouted at the top of his lungs and really, at one point, I was this close to crying. But fortunately, after some help from my sectional teacher, I managed to get it right. . Maybe it was good, because of this I have now numbed to most punishment and bursts of anger. I really don’t give a shit anymore. Luckily I believed I blew the SOLOs correctly during SYF. I remembered that I blew so loud that I felt as though my lungs would burst. Fortunately the conductor said it was too loud and I had to tone it down. And Oh, the new shengs arrived that year too. The funniest thing that happened that year has to be the ZYS flying in the AVA room. HaHa. I invited han bin into CO this year too.lol.

Sec3

Okay, this year has to be the least memorable for me somehow. I really don’t have much memories of this year at all. I know cultural night happen this year but I really can’t remember it for some reason. I can still remember that at the start of this year, I was super EMO. It was an EMO PHASE. Lol. Either this year is really bad or things really passed very quickly. I remembered watching many concerts but they are all vague and blurry. Oh. Remember meeting Qi Wei this year too. It was sectional and I was going to the toilet to wash my pipe. I met him at the spiral staircase and he asked, “Sheng right? He told me that he was experienced and wants to know where we were practicing.” I was like, finally a junior. Weirdly, I found him to look like Harry Potter with his black round specs then. We had many juniors that year who quit. *girl who cried* QiLing joined this year too. I guess we didn’t talk much this year because she was constantly in China?? for some reason (memory problem again) Okay. My memory is officially haywire in sec3. I can’t remember much.

Sec4  

 I really treasure this year a lot. I guess it is both a mixture of me becoming way more optimistic (from sec3) and figuring out that this was my last year in CO. CO really felt meaningful this year and I actually looked forward to most practices. But I still couldn’t take the endless practices too, thus MOST. Lol. More Sheng juniors joined too and I believe they are here to stay. I found Jia Wei to be really different (in a good way). Remember taking 180 with back with him several times after CO. But as the days passed, the closer it was to the end. SYF this year was really great too. The hard work has finally paid off. This has to be the year where I finally whole-heartedly treasured CO. I guess it’s hard to know what you’ve got till its’ gone. I feel as though I’ve really become really close to many people in CO this year too, as in sincerely close and not “pretend close” like in sec3. The chalet really tied the knot on this incredible journey. Its’ really sad to end it and after looking back since secondary 1, I really treasured my choice in joining CO. Hopefully we would all stay close and I would certainly come back to see what CO is like after my Os and so forth.

concluding….

There has always been something more for me to look forward too every now and then. But now that has finally ended. Its’ really hard to imagine what’s ahead but I’ll remember each and everyone who made an impact on my life in this great 4 years in CO. Os would come and than school would come to an end too. I must say that CO has really been a relatively big part of my secondary life. The constant habit of going to CO every monday and waking up very early every saturday would no longer be imperative. Its’ a brand new page and i’ll certainly miss it.

WOAH FINALLY DONE. Had to quickly end it cos i super tired le.lol.

~song~

i wrote this few hours ago.. tell me what u think about it =).

Its’ rather random… just thought of the chrous and it started off there…haha

I won’t stop

I can’t seem to hear the sounds from the sky
Is it a sign for me and i’ll start to sigh
Cos i’m moving along and there’s no way to see
If I’m up or down or if I am me

I won’t stop
Anymore
To be something that I’m not
The leaves will fall
Once again
I’ll be here picking up the dirt

I am moving along feel the wind on my face
I’ll be resting here giving up on that race
All the days that have passed and all I have felt
The world is changing would ice caps melt

I won’t stop
Anymore
To be something that I’m not
The leaves will fall
Once again
I’ll be here picking up the dirt

Everyone’s heading in the same direction
I wonder what’s with all the commotion
I really don’t know
Oh I don’t want to know

~~~ thx nick for grammer checking =) ~~~

chalet

back from challet. It was really fun, and utterly tiring. Slept for around 2hours on the first night and 4 + 3 hours on the second.

I really enjoyed WWW and the cycling trip on the first day. Cycling 7km too and fro to changi beach was awesome.(total 14) The little breaking down of sebas’ bike along Loyang road was ‘interesting’. Luckily, it was fixed. I was at first apprehensive of taking that road as Loyang road is infamous for street racing. I did see swarms of motobikes but the pavements were totaltly safe. I really enjoyed cycling. The temperature was cool and the feeling of the wind blowing against me was invigorating. Couldn’t see any stars at all though. had oyster omelete there.

Watched monsters vs aliens at tampinese on the second day. For a movie with such a simple story line and a rather mundane message behind it, it was very funny and entertaining. Didn’t find 3D that special though. I really like the blue blob.haha. Had BBQ n b’day celebration for cai lao shi and hanbin. There were many cakes.lol. Slept rather early on the second night. We went to the beach before sleeping too. I love the sea at night. Though dull and rather placid, the thought of darkness and a beautiful place of solace made it amazing. I find all the lighs from boats a pollution. I want natural darkness..argh. Can’t really get that here. I woke up at 4+ and realize many ppl were not there. Then went with jw for a short (really short) walk to pasir ris park. There were actually many ppl still awake then, or maybe awoken? Couldn’t see much w/o my specs though. Than slept again.

ARGH! facebook can’t seem to upload photos nnow. Flickr has no issues so it can’t be my new antivirus…i’ll try again tmr.OH, do check out my flickr, —-> that side.

self-reminder

the past will always affect the future. It will always. It can simply be repetive. Thus learning from history is imperative. it simply is.

Missy higgins – any day now

How long, how long, how long
Will we take to come undone
If you know the answer tell me now
And I’ll write at the calendar for our countdown

‘Cause what if what we see is all, is all we’ve got
Well say you’ve kept some fire aside
To set alight to me some surprising night
And say you’ve locked some fire away
To said night to me some surprising day
Any day now

How come, how come, how come
I’m now on a road holding out my thumb
If you know my destination please
Well find me the fasted car and throw me the keys

Cause finger by finger we’re losing grasp
And I’m questioning the reasons
Why nothing beautiful does last

Any day now

just something random again

did quite a lot of homework yesterday and i feel so proud! HAHA. finally managed to accomplished quite a lot =). I’d have geog remedials later which would be so tiring.

I went to listened to Missy Higgins’ album again (like once again.lol.) yesterday and i was listening to that song Going North (lyrics down below…at the hope post). She wrote it before she left for Broome.  A small sea side town in the north east coast of Australia. I want to go there too! lol. Its’ desolate, empty, tranquil and thoughts can make its way through the mind without being blinded off by the city lights. I picture all the beautiful places and felt haiz after a while.lol.

I really wonder where does this urge comes from. I really don’t think its’ wanting to escape reality. I feel really happy when i’m out in a wide, open, space without the sight of manmade establishment. I guess i just dislike ‘norm’. I dislike having to stick to a fixed scheldue and live through life like everything is planned out. I want to live as freely as the wind sometimes but i’m stuck here.

I like the way how my tuition teacher puts the life of Singaporeans. We study so hard when we are young (compared to other countries). Then we study so hard so that we can find a job where we can work so hard in. We’ll work and work till we can’t work no more, let alone enjoy this world we’re in. ”worker bees”. I’d never be one. What’s the point of working my life away. I want to be in a job where it has nothing to do with making this man-made world go round(e.g: office jobs ). I don’t want to be part of something that is economy-orientated, no matter how much i’m interested in the economy. I want nature, something more tangible than cold hard cash.

Hopefully a marine biologist, if not environmentalist or climatologist, geoglogist or anything else nature related=)       I will never be a ‘worker bee’.