It’d probably come to an end over this weekend while I struggle to find something entertaining to occupy time over the remaining 5/6 weeks before confinement. Volunteering application so complicated >< Anything application related is taking a toll on me now. Can’t believe the sheer number of wasted hours staring mindless into space – while, probably explains why my EE files had a total editing time of more than 102 hours.

Dateline for UBC application: 31 dec. Few more days… gahhh I will submit the final application by today. Its’ just editing the essays now. And next: Apply for NUS. And wait patiently… till may? And take SATs as a backup.

Work has been an eyeopener. Interacting with people over a variety of backgrounds. But then again, its’ probably the long-term “group” interaction that I have had since my solo trip.. So its’ probably where I’ve talked a lot more to strangers than I would normally do in the past. It was fun. Mandarin is a growing dilemma. Trying to speak more competent and comprehensible teochew. Ongoing process. An intent to learn Cantonese.

The pains of waiting is unjustifiable yet excruciatingly appealing. There isn’t a point, there isn’t a point, there isn’t a point. It’ll probably take much more rational justification to convince the feeble minded emotions that plague day-to-day life. Where indulging in unnecessary nostalgia over the most mundane and banal of surroundings isn’t going to satisfy anything but prolong the process.

Anyway, all the best to the people entering army over the next week.

Scares me.

Playing “No light, no light” on replay for the past hour or so. Regardless of the evidently racist (difficult to deny with the clear imagery contrast between two opposing figures) music video, I still love the song. Just, stop, watching the video.

Uni app. So little days left.

Nothing useful coming out. Well, have faith.

A slow, sometimes agonizing, but paramount part of growing up. Reading an interesting article posted by a friend on facebook. So true.

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I will fight. Fight to survive, let alone thrive, in those two patch of gray in my life. Optimism shall guide. Faith shall guide. And a firm yet nevertheless eroding belief that my body will handle the two years well.

It will be what it will be.

It will be fine. At least that’s what I’m telling myself.

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Not working this week. Chinese New Year priorities. And getting my university application done. Application.. not even applications yet.

Still questioning the fundamentals behind my rational of going overseas. I don’t think I’ll ever feel strongly attached to any political boundary. Nature yes.

Work was a good experience. New people. Nice people. Interesting thoughts. Increased ability and efficiency in communication since solo trip.

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where are you… :/

And for the umpteenth time you realize that the only thing you can do is be an uneasy bystander, moving where ever the crowd tediously treads towards.

You tell yourself its’ time to grow up. It’s time to accept facts as they are. Inertia is still a stumbling block after so long.

And its’ probably true that the only steps that matter are the ones you take by yourself.

its’ time to grow up.

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I have to end my constant preoccupation with the floundering, which is probably more than just a penchant for melancholy but in fact an indication of fear. And it goes away whenever I stumble across a certain song, message or conversation only to creep back where it once was unannounced and unwanted.

Yet the only thing I can hope for is for time to let it all sink in. Accept it.

aND SIGH. procrastination isn’t going to get me anywhere. Time to start writing essays for university applications and to brainstorm. And to clear my table, find my CCA records, finish several birthday presents that are WAY overdue. OKAY START NOW.

bye.

Work. Finally got work back and yet I want today to be is the final day because I’m exhausted. I want an admin job. A typing job. Or one that involves sitting constantly, if not, moving about and not standing still for hours on end. Still, there’s the thrill of stalking and observing random strangers in a public setting that wouldn’t actually be labelled as creepy. And there’s the added bonus of distracting myself from any potential anxiety-related symptom which then again I should clarify with a doctor to rule out the sinister. But honestly, I don’t want a official anxiety-related-problem.

Got my results back last friday. Amazed by the i-don’t-think-i-deserve-it results. Really Thank God for the results. And thank so many others who have helped me along the way with my constant questions. Prolly heading off to Canada as of now, if I do get accepted that is, and if I do manage to finish the application by the deadline. Have to spend a solid few days brainstorming ways to answer the mini-essay questions.

Feelin’ so lazy right now. And tired. Work. 1 more hour till I have to leave the house.

lalala~ BBT is such an uplifting sitcom. HIMYM is boring me >< Nora is gone. That’s sad.

I always find it weird why I’m constantly fixated on the erosion instead of deposition regardless of the relative rates of either. Isn’t healthy. Yet, cliffs are beautiful.

Its’ the thrill. The thrill that sends the mind to forget past events. The thrill that makes a moment last forever though only in that moment.

Off to watch BBT before heading off to work.

A guy seeing me imitating his artful fling of the wrist and roll of the eyes was even funnier (though if unaware of his own idiosyncrasies, he would just think I’m a little bit insane) .Or a guy who thought he had escape the flyers-intensity section only to fail to see me approaching him and subsequently scooting off without a word anxious and furious at the constant disturbance.

I do that to these people all the time, standing on the other end. I like skillfully avoiding people, well, assuming that they are able to discern that I want to be left alone (dang. do I look that unfriendly)

And I’ve realized that the tone of my voice goes funny every now and then after talking mindlessly to customers… which results in me laughing at myself. Yes, the more I talk to random strangers, the higher I get. They’re like my sugar. Sugar-rush madness!!! Heh and I start getting jumpy.

———————

People can get interesting. Very, very interesting.

Why do I find myself wanting to know more.

——————–

The world better stay on the left. Political, environmental, cultural or social. Stay on the left. Woooo~ Environmental science

The right scares me.

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Had a FB chat with a friend who told me that most indie songs are depressing. And well, honestly that is what drew me into indie music in the first place; especially folk. The more depressing (yet soft and subtle), the more I’m drawn towards the song. So if you have a soft, subtle depressing piece of music, do introduce it to me!

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Time to finish editing my photos and finally blog on my 2weeks solo trip. weeeee~

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I LOVE THE MUPPETS. okay. Watched it many days ago but I love it so much. Just saw on youtube that the infamous foxnews suggest that it promoted communism…and that “green ideology” should not be taught to kids. YEAH TEACH THEM TO DESTROY THE EARTH AND GO… it’s because it’s all ideology. It isn’t real. Like Global Warming. All make-belief to take more money out of people for the government. >< I still can’t believe my mom got me watching that ‘news channel’ for a couple of months in secondary 3.

Woooo~ possibly heading to phuket. No alcohol. no no no no no. spoils my stomach. Alongside milk, coffee, tomato, dairy, onions, brocolli, garlic.. oh dang. I get fainty. NS here i go fainty.

Annoying acid production. SLOW DOWN MAN. okay it’s hurting my throat now. lalala~ Watch my diet.

Oh probably should blog about something on FOXNEWS that I saw in America that completely astounded me. *if i blog about this before..opppsss*

They claim that “free speech” should be defended at all cost. And that anti-bullying laws are oppressive and are infringing the free speech americans have enjoyed. They want these laws abolished and aid people who are seemingly put down by these laws. They say that there is nothing wrong with hate speech because it allows others to know who hates them. And based on these free speech, the “hated” would be able to say whatever mean things he wants back to the instigator. The ideal civilized society. Really… NOT.

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